*How to Survive Italy When You Don’t Speak Italian, but You’re Surrounded by Others Who Do

Every day I am more grateful that my major is in Communications Studies. I just love conversation. I love understanding and being understood.

The Worst insult I can imagine receiving would be as follows: “You don’t understand [insert something previously communicated to me].” It’s the worst. I consider myself to be a good listener, and empathy is my number one characteristic. When someone instead tells me, “You don’t understand, you did not listen to me closely enough, and you are not empathetic to my situation,” it feels like I am being told that I am not being true to myself. I wish I didn’t take it so personally, but I do.

To prevent this, I ask questions, I repeat what I have heard, and summarize to try and convey how hard I am trying to understand. Of course, I will never be perfectly empathetic, but I hope I can always understand what is verbally communicated to me.

You can imagine how hard it is to meet this end when I don’t speak the language of the country I’m living in.

I did take Italian 101 and 102 at my university. But now I am living with Italians. I felt pretty good about my Italian when I was on the flight to get here. However, in the words of Beyonce: “I did everything that I wanted, and it was more than I thought it would be.” I was happy to learn Italian! It’s just taking me longer to become fluent than I thought. That reads narcissistic, which lets you know I am being honest.

All is not lost! Communication is achievable. If you are like me and don’t speak the mother tongue of the country you’re living in, read on. These are my survival tips coupled with funny stories:

Communicate with Thy Translators

Cling to that trustworthy human translator. Ask questions. Stay on the same page. No matter how fast you type, nothing beats oral translation. My translator while I am in Italy is my husband: Rob. He served his mission in Italy and now studies it as his major. He’s perfect because he’s knowledgeable and honest with me. He corrects me when I need it and postpones awkward translations for when we are in private.

The first full day my husband and I were in Italy was a dream. We ate prepared by some Italian friends in their home. Afterwards, Rob, told them we would be going out for a walk. I knew this was a very Italian thing to do.

I wanted to look nice on this walk because I also knew that all Italians dressed well, so I wore heels. Little did I know that down the hall but still within earshot, Rob was telling our friends we would be back for dinner at 6:00 PM. It was a little before 2:00 PM. I heard him but did not ask for confirmation. He saw my heels and did not communicate concern. We went out together without setting any expectations.

Me the very day this story took place, heels and all

Four hours later and my feet hurt so bad I scurry to every bench I see in public to take as many breaks as possible. My feet still hurt the next day. Every Italian we saw on that walk must have thought I was crazy because it was such a hilly area. I was the only one in heels.

The moral is to ask for translation! Confirm what you thought you understood from a conversation, so you and your translator can be on the same page. Set expectations in a language you understand.

Let those who don’t understand your mother tongue know that translation is happening. Or else, if you and your translator break into a foreign language, they could think you’re gossiping.

Know When Thou Needest Not a Translation

I know I am now telling you the opposite of what I just advised you but read this next story and you’ll understand how to balance these two principles.

Rob and I are here in Italy with our university. We are in a group of about ten students. There is another married couple on the trip, who are even more newly-wed than we are. The wife is the one who served her mission in Italy, while the husband does not speak any Italian or any Latin-based language for that matter. So, he was totally in the dark the first night we ate dinner at our hotel in Rome when the waiter insulted the husband in Italian.

We all looked at each other. His wife laughed a little, and I might have smiled, but it was awkward. That sort of awkward feeling that one just must politely laugh off. It was better to keep the husband out of the loop for the sake of his self-esteem. Maybe she translated for him later, but I would not have.

Thus, when you get the feeling that something awkward just happened, or when everybody is looking at you and laughs, you might not want the translation.