What Scary Movies Taught Me

You have to be a little messed up to like horror movies.

Halloween 2011

For my dad, he saw The Evil Dead very young. I watched my first scary movie at 3-years-old (AGAINST THE VOLITION OF MY PARENTS. I had a bad babysitter. I have great parents). It was Scream, a movie that I would be perfectly happy never watching again. Your first scary movie will  always be the scariest.

Yet, I brag about it to others. My first scary movie defines me as a person and I'm proud to share it. I'm proud to say I watched first slasher film as a toddler. I couldn't help it then, and I can't change it now.

When I watch scary movies, I jump and flinch and shriek with the rest of them. But aftertwards, I am completely unaffected by the horrific images I have just seen. 

"It's just a movie," I would tell myself and then slip into a peaceful slumber.

Then, a good friend of mine that I admire very much told me that she's bipolar and manic depressive.

Before that, I didn't think that doctors used the word "manic" to diagnose somebody. Her life before diagnosis was just like every other scary movie I had ever seen. My friend heard voices, became hopelessly paranoid, and had abnormal thoughts. 

This was terrifying for me to hear.

Naturally, the next scary movie became even scarier.

It was The Babadook. Without spoiling the movie, it is about a mother who is grieving over the loss of her husband while raising her son alone. In the vocabulary I used freely before I knew my friend: this mother eventually goes "crazy." Now, I do not know how to describe it. Sure, there are other words to describe "crazy" that is not so derogatory and defamatory, but to my friend, "possession" could also strike a chord with her. I have yet to find a word that is not offensive to those with actual mental illnesses and I'm sorry.

So, for now, I'll say the mother goes crazy and has homicidal and suicidal thoughts. In the movie, she is possessed by Mister Babadook. Of her own volition, supposedly, she would never try to kill her dog, her son, or herself. But, she has allowed this evil creature to enter into her and he is the one making her want to do these things.

The actors were good, the music was awesome, I jumped, and flinched, and shrieked in all the right places. But when it came time to go to bed, I was actually afraid. I kept thinking of the scene when the mother faces the Babadook and repeats to herself several times:

"It isn't real! It isn't real! It isn't real! It isn't real!"

But I knew it was. It was as real as my friend. This force was as palpable as the pills she has to take everyday to appear "normal." 

I have yet to come to a conclusion about the interpersonal treatment of those with mental illness. My social media feed had an array of posts about mental illness last month, just like everybody else's, and I still feel like I learned very little. I am sad to say that my love of horror movies has led to a fear of those around me. I wish I didn't have this stigma, but I am grateful for my friend who is teaching me. 

Movies are still movies. Just because an actor has a character that hears voices, or has a split personality disorder, doesn't make his or her depiction of that condition is 100% accurate. Scary movies are still scary. But the characters and conditions they're based off of don't have to be. 

It's just a movie.